I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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