bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
