If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
