I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
