someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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