okay pat passed out under dana's car
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
