dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
