Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
