oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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