1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
