I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
