i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
