Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
