I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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