I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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