I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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