If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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