Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize