If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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