Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize