I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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