The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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