saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
