By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
