M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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