Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
