Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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