So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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