And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
