Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
