we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
