i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize