The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
