I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
