T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
