Apparently you make a good broom.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
