remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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