Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
