wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
