I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize