Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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