dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
