I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
