Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
