am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
