I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize