It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
