Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
