You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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