you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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