Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
