I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
