I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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