He told me they were just razor bumps!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
