im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
