I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
