great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
