I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
