shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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