I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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