I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
