I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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