The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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