This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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