I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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