I got chris browned last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
