Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
