I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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