I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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