Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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