my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
