I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
