I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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