I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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