Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
